Redirecting our Energy 🐝🐝🐝🐝
Reflections on the 4B Movement, Decentering Men, and reconnecting with the real world
Megan on the 4B Movement and Decentering Men
On my corner of the internet, there’s an adage that for the man, the breakup/divorce “came out of nowhere” while the woman has been trying to make it work for months. We're now seeing a similar story play out on a macro level as some hetero women put down the burden of relationship maintenance and embrace the 4B movement.
What is 4B?
4B is a movement started by South Korean feminists in the mid aughts in response to the abuse and sexual harassment women in the country faced. The 4 ‘B’s’ represent the four things women pledge to give up: bisekseu (sex with men), biyeonae (dating men), bihon (marriage to men), and bichulsan (giving birth). Also known as a “marriage strike” or “willfully unmarried,” 4B represents the extreme end of the Korean feminist movement which gained traction pre-pandemic and helped pass stricter laws around non consensual and revenge pornography and raised the age of consent from 13 to 16.
Thanks to the internet and platforms like TikTok, young women have been flexing their cultural influence globally (see: girl dinner, Brat summer, The Eras Tour). This cross culture pollination has allowed feminists in the US to track the 4B movement in South Korea and raise it up as an example of organized resistance to the patriarchy. While some are calling it a “Birth Rate Crisis” others (me) are calling it the “find out phase” as the country is forced to face the consequences of failing to foster a healthy environment for women.
Why Now in America?
As your friendly neighborhood canary in the coal mine, I’m unsurprised that interest in the 4B movement surged post election among American women. I’ve been participating since 2021.
Despite growing up on a steady diet of Disney princess lore, the real world has cured me of any romantic illusions I used to harbor. Just because I’ve taken the rose colored glasses off doesn’t mean that I (and other women adopting 4B) aren’t disappointed by the state of things. I’ve gone through literal grief, mourning what I thought would be key parts of my adult life: dating, sex, marriage and eventually parenthood. But I feel it’s the best option for me to thrive and the most recent election validated that. Taking up 4B and decentering men is not about being cynical, it's the ultimate act of boundary setting. I’m walking away from a deeply ingrained societal path and it isn’t easy. But, at the end of the day, I feel lucky to have the privilege to make a choice and I’m going to take it as long as I can. ✌️
This week in Cool Shiny Culture:
👜 Megan’s Cool: One of my favorite Gen Z it girl influencers Grace Brinkley has recently opened a vintage clothing boutique shophasbeen here in Los Angeles. I’ll go and report back ofc 🫡
🍿 Kaley’s Cool: I really enjoyed the movie My Old Ass on Prime. Aubrey Plaza plays the older version of new-to-me actress Maisey Stella who appears after Maisey goes on a mushroom trip with her friends before heading off to college. A coming of age comedy about a queer Zoomer set on a lake in summertime? I’m in!
🎤 Megan’s Shiny: Christina Aguilera’s surprise appearance at the first night of the LA stop on Sabrina’s Short N Sweet Tour almost made me wish I had been there. Then I remembered that tickets were over $400 for the nosebleeds on Ticketmaster and contented myself to watching it via clips online.
🏇🏼 Kaley’s Shiny: Like Cynthia and Ari on the Wicked campaign trail, babygirls Paul and Pedro have been hard at work for months now promoting Gladiator II, and their efforts haven’t gone unnoticed. One especially enjoyable component is seeing Paul in his horse girl era. From the trainer gushing about his empathy to this 2-hour long short clip of him jumping on a running horse, I’m absolutely here for any and all Paul horse content.
The opposite of cynical: Kaley on Redirecting your energy ✨🧘
I did a few things this weekend to make myself feel less bad about *gestures* all this. I share not to brag about being a good person 💁🏼♀️, but to inspire consideration for small steps we can all take to reconnect with the real world, divest from our billionaire overlords, and shape the world to better reflect what we value.
Goodreads → Storygraph I finally took Megan (and my bestie Kassie’s) suggestion & made the switch from Jeff Bezos-owned Goodreads to Black female-owned Storygraph (founded by CEO Nadia Odunayo). The Libby app long ago cured me of spending on Kindle books, and switching to Storygraph is one more way to claw my favorite hobby from the clutches of too-rich white men. Plus I love consuming stats and charts about myself, so it's a win win! Learn how to import Goodreads to Storygraph here.
X →Bluesky I'll admit it: I've been addicted to Twitter (now X) since Trump's first win in 2016. But it took a second win, helped along in legally questionable ways by Elon Musk, to finally go cold turkey. This week I deleted X from my phone and signed up for Bluesky. Is it better? Functionally, no. Morally, maybe. But anything is better than giving Elon Musk my usership.
Digital doom scroll → IRL action In an effort to spend more of my time connecting to my community, I helped out at an adoption event for a dog rescue near me. Here's Major, a sweet German Shepherd pup just rescued from Texas. 100% less bitey than Biden’s dog with the same name.
Must See TT: The Boys Are Not Alright
This joke from comedian Keara Sullivan draws a striking parallel between today’s young men and a Jane Austen storyline. It’s currently sitting at 1.1 million views and 10 reposts among me & my mutuals (which, for the employed, is kinda a lot)
Marketing we ❤️: #UnwrapAnthro Wishlist Giveaway 🐌📮
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas (and not just because between the two of us we’ve already put up 5.5 trees). Anthropologie has caught our attention with a giveaway asking people to send in their wishlist for the chance at free prizes. What we especially love about this giveaway is that contestants can enter online, via social media or by snail mail (how quaint!). Maybe it’s because we were born in the 1900s, but this touch of nostalgia harkening back to sending letters to Santa is a cute touch that invites lots of festive creativity.
See y’all on Storygraph!
Megan & Kaley
I too have bade a not so fond ffarewell to Elon and all of the damage he did to a viable social media platform that is now an abscess and blight on intelligent caring people.